Viagra retail discount VIAGRA SUGGESTIONS REALLY PERKED ME UP
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Tam Cowan
KEEP this to yourselves if you don't mind. My missus asked the other night if I've ever considered trying Viagra.
But she soon changed her tune when I told her it costs a tenner a tablet. She reckons £30 a year is way too expensive.
My mate Peter has already spent far too much money on the little blue pills. Now he's hard up.
A survey last week revealed that Viagra (scientific name: mycoxafloppin) has now been used by an incredible one in four British males.
I think Viagra is one of our greatest medical breakthroughs.
Apart from the fact it has stopped countless women accusing their husbands of assault with a dead weapon, the famous love drug has also spawned a million jokes.
Did you hear about Britain's first Viagra baby? It could stand up right away.
What about the first fatality caused by a Viagra overdose? A man took 48 tablets and his wife died.
Do you know what happens when a traffic warden takes Viagra? He grows taller.
What do Alton Towers and Viagra have in common? You have to wait an hour for a two-minute ride.
And, of course, my all-time favourite. A man walks in to Boots the chemist and says: "I'd like to buy some Viagra, please."
"Do you have a prescription?" asks the bloke behind the counter.
"No," he replies, "but I've got a photograph of the wife."
The answers I received to last week's competition also tickled the funny bone.
If you recall, on the back of Lisa Marie Presley being upset by Viva Viagra using her dad's song Viva Las Vegas to advertise their product, I asked you for a few more appropriate tunes.
Just to get the ball rolling, I suggested Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick, Brass In Pocket and anything by The Pointer Sisters.
Loads of readers, including Gus Stewart and Craig Howie, plumped for The Only Way Is Up and Stand And Deliver, while Phil Gormley took safe sex into consideration with Up, Up And Away In My Beautiful Balloon.
A slap on the wrist for Glasgow reader Alan Russell - sorry, mate, but Killing Me Softly With His Dong is not a proper song title.
But a huge pat on the back for all the following entrants:
Use It Up And Wear It Out (John McDonald)
It Only Takes A Minute (Malcolm McKechnie)
Rocket Man (Tom Lamb)
Love Really Hurts Without You (David Kelly)
Bend Me, Shape Me (Sandra Crichton)
Ride On Time (Neily Broon)
All Day And All Of The Night (Neily Brodie)
Up Where We Belong (Jacqueline Sullivan)
Boom Bang-a-Bang (Herbie Hart)
Solid As A Rock (Graham Scott)
You Raise Me Up (Karen McKenzie)
Knock On Wood (Rab Caldwell)
Get Into The Groove (Kevin Donnelly)
The Theme From Shaft (Richard McKenna)
Baggy Trousers (Brian McBain)
The Woody Woodpecker Song (David Walker) Great stuff.
Considering I was looking for a Viagra song, it is only appropriate that I thought long and hard about the winner.
And the prize goes to Martin Boyle (well, once he emails back with a postal address) for the one that made me laugh out loud...
He suggested the old Bangles' hit Walk Like An Egyptian.
Thanks to everyone who took part and I'll leave the final word on this subject to Glasgow reader Joe Murray.
He says his local chemist was robbed last week and a large quantity of Viagra was stolen.
Police are now looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
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